A Little Blue

I keep accidentally typing “Froever.” I think I like it better than “forever”. I love you froever : I will always love you with an afro. I think that says so much more than just “forever.” With volume, chic and a little pizzazz. Yep, I’m gonna keep it.

Ahhhhh, last week was crap. Our hearts are so heavy with having lost our sweet little LuluBirdy. For a few nights, it's taken me a few hours to finally fall asleep. I was feeling so much guilt over letting Lulu go. I think it all boils down to feeling like we promised Lulu that she could trust us, that we would take care of her, and love her with all our hearts. And then we took her to be put down (after loving her with all our hearts while we have had her). Of course, she was very sick and feeling horrible. The thing that was so hard was looking at her and seeing her beautiful little green eyes looking into our souls, her warm, fuzzy, rabbit fur soft to touch, and her sweet little freckles moving with her whiskers. It felt like she was saying, “I trusted you guys.” But I do think she was truly saying, “Thank you for helping me stop this suffering.” Maybe that’s just me trying to make myself feel better about the horror of letting her go. I have shed so many crocodile tears, my tear ducts are empty, my mind is tired, my heart hurts. I woke this weekend thinking of Lulu when we first got her: she ran up to us and meowed so heartily at the pound, screaming, “Me! Me! Take me! I’m sweet and cute and I promise to love you! I might poke holes in the moldings, the couch, and any plastic sack you accidentally leave out on the counter. But I promise to always love you guys.” :) Oh, and she did. In the early days, when she was feeling healthy, in the morning when we came out into the living room, she would meow “hello!” just once, and so hard that her head would bounce like she was nodding hello as she said it. Ah, such a sweetie pie… I miss you, LuluBird. I miss your sweet little lady-like paws on my lap and all your sweet cuddles.

We were worried about how Duckie might respond, through the night and mornings. He has been such a love bug, purring heavily, looping around our legs and letting us hold him longer than usual. He runs around every night playing with his mice and catnip toys. We play with him with his favorite toy and he jumps over and over again for the bouncy ball on a string. Our little boy is going to be just fine. I think he really grieved Lulu the past few weeks, knowing before we even did that she was sick and suffering. He’s probably relieved that his little sister is peaceful, climbing curtains and chasing spiders in Buddha’s house. It’s such a wonderful dream that gives me peace.

I told J that no matter how much I love the idea of being a farmer, working hard outside and spending my days with animals, I don’t think I could really do it because I would always love my animals so much that it would pain me to see them pass. So I think I will just be a #1 country music fan and visit Aunt Kerry on the farm in Oregon when we can get out there. And I will smile at the cows on my drive to and from work.

It is true that when someone is lost, someone else is brought into this world. This past week, I learned that one of my dear friends had her long-awaited baby girl (congrats S!!!!). I’m not sure if she named her little girl after one of the greatest singers ever to grace us on earth, but Ella is a great name for a great woman. I have high hopes for this little girl. I also learned that my dear Tor is prego again. Yippee! She is SUCH a great mom who I could only wish to be a tenth as good someday. I couldn’t be happier for my girls. They give me hope, inspiration, and peace just when I’ve lost my little fuzzy girl. Life does go on. We all do continue to live our lovely, gift of life. I’m going to do something really special for myself this week. I don’t know what. But I am going to celebrate life. It is meant to be cherished gratefully.

R.I.P. Sweet LuluBirdy

Our sweet little Lulu passed away tonight. She died of Kitty Leukemia. It was the saddest thing to sit with her as she died. We miss her so much here in the house tonight. I hope you're chasing birds and butterflies right now in kitty heaven, Lulu.

Fish Tacos

I am on a freakin' hilarious Facebook string:

Original post (not me - a friend, I swear!): California is easily the most bureaucratic, ass-backwards, self-centered, shit-cluster of a state ever shrugged-off by Mexico. It deserves wildfires.

Responses:

- Why? What did you do?
- Cali has gorgeous areas. So does Colorado. Maine. Ireland. Italy. But when dealing with the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles), I almost never talk to a clear creek or a benevolent doe.
- The CA DMV is extremely effective at inspiring assisted suicide.
- Amen bruthuh! Still, I miss the fish tacos.
- WA has no places with excellent fish tacos. It is the worst thing about moving back to Seattle. They microwave fish sticks, throw them onto a corn tortilla and top it with tartar sauce....
- There's a Mexi-pub down on Montlake I can't recall the name of that makes a decent fish taco. All others are tuna wraps.
- WA clearly has CA beat for scenic beauty, but more importantly WA has fewer scenic areas with excellent fish tacos. Its a matter of priorities.
- Who said you had to move there?

Who knew fish tacos would get so much mileage on Facebook?

Homesick Girl

Well, it's ABOUT time! I am officially homesick tonight. H-O-M-E-S-I-C-K. I will preface my list of all the things I miss so much with this: I adore my husband - love him with everything I am and I am so happy we live here together in Holland. LOVE him to pieces! I think the thing I miss the most is a little bit of me. I liked that girl and need to find her a little bit again. I miss:

- Walking on the beach in California by my mom's old house
- Grasshopper martinis in La Jolla with my husband at the beach bar
- Working for a KILLER team at an outstanding company (Fidelity, I miss you so much!)
- Laughing so hard with my girls that we cough like 20-year chain smokers
- Fresh Dunkin' Donuts decaf with 2 sugars and milk
- Red Sox baseball games, caps, and jerseys
- Houston's and Red Robin Cheeseburgers
- Weekly US Magazines
- My gorgeous BMW X5 with the heated steering wheel
- Alfred, my hairstylist (oh, I miss my reddish brown hair and sassy cuts)
- Diversity Leadership Weekends with my Fidelity team
- Pretty, inexpensive home accessory stores with friendly staff
- Target
- Nobody laughing at my big white tennis shoes
- Walking and running at Greenlake
- Really smart people I work with
- Traveling for work and getting reimbursed for it
- Endless supply of English language books
- Kitten and spiky heels
- Padded push-up bras
- Pike Place Market
- Fresh crab, lobster, and shrimp
- The smell of the Northwest
- Daytrips to Bainbridge Island, Vancouver, and Leavenworth
- Hiking Snow Lake
- Rajin' Cajin Sandwich at the Other Coast Cafe in Ballard (Seattle)
- Fred Myers (oh, I love you so much Freddy's!!)
- Pedicures at Lauren's on Newbury Street
- My mom and my brother
- Visiting Aunt Kerry at the farm in Bend, Oregon
- Riding my bike at Sunriver in Oregon
- The entrance to Yellowstone in Montana
- Driving cross-country on the I-90
- Ogunquit, Maine
- The Scoop Deck
- Nantucket and the Cape
- Grabbing Thai in Queen Anne
- Teaching at the university
- University Village in Seattle
- Showing my hubby where I'm from and that American girl he loves

Okay, I know there's so much more (I didn't have pics of all the people I love and miss!). But that should do it for tonight. I'm going to go to bed now. I miss you, America. I miss you, Seattle, California, New England. I miss you, girls. :)

Home Sweet Home in Bennebroek

Today is National Soup Day in Holland. Yep, you read that correctly. :) What exactly is National Soup Day, you ask? It’s one day a year when companies and restaurants serve a nice bowl of soup for free in exchange for a contribution to a child’s meal. For every 20 cents donated, a child gets a meal. It’s really a lovely idea to feed the needy – and the whole country gets involved. Yeah, the name made me laugh, but the cause is wonderful.

I have something very exciting to share… drum roll please… we got the house!!!!! YEAH!!! Very exciting. VERY exciting. Amen bruthuhs and sistuhs! We found out today around noon and I have been floating ever since. We got a killer deal – the sellers dropped pretty drastically right away. I guess it is a sign of the times. I would feel badly that they didn’t get much, expect that I happen to know what they bought the house for and they’re walking away with a good 35k still. Perfect, no. But a little equity, yep. AND they gifted us our first house. Our first house! We can do stuff to it and not have to feel like it’s wasted euros!! I have been daydreaming for a week now about all the things we could do with this house. There’s nothing “wrong” with it, per say. Yeah, a couple things will need to be redone/replaced/ripped out…. But nothing that must happen. And that feels really good. We don’t get to move in until middle of January, but hey, why rush spending a little more right away when we can clean out what we have, sell things we don’t need anymore, and pack with a little calm? That’s a new one for both of us!

Home sweet home! Our new home is in “Bennebroek”, pronounced “behnehbrook”. Cute, eh?

Dissed 'Americans'

Why am I so sensitive to loud Americans? I’m pretty sure we’re not all loud. Are we? Monday night I went to a networking event where a Canadian hockey player spoke to a group of diverse students and professionals about leadership potential and following your dream. Now, I am a HUGE fan of leadership development and motivational presentations. Huge. However, when the speaker is a really loud American, I want to run away and hide. I realize I’m a cynic at times in the purest form, but come on! Without sounding too harsh or cynical, this guy’s booming voice made my skin crawl! I met him about 5 minutes before he went up on stage to begin. Here’s how it went:

Mark (Speaker): “Hi! (Volume 9 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the loudest). I’m Mark. Salerno… what kind of a name is that?!?! Where are you from?!?!”
Me: “I’m, American.”
Mark: “Where are you from in America!?!?”
Me: “I’m from all over: My family’s in California. I lived in Oregon and Washington for most of my life, then Boston for school and work.”
Mark: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah!! Blah! I am going to speak now! Bye!!!”

Five minutes into his presentation: “I met a an American woman here tonight… but you know, she says ‘American’ and well, I’m Canadian and I think “American” is really up for discussion… because we are so different…” (Shakes head and laughs). Uh-huh. Okay, That’s interesting because the way I see it, you’re a loud, Canadian hockey player who is blasting us right out of the room with how close you’re speaking to the microphone – people actually have their hands over their ears. Hmmm… For the record, he didn’t inspire anyone with words of wisdom or prophetic insight. He just made people think all “Americans” are loud, opinionated, and have really bad humor. Great. Thanks Dude. Can this particular Canadian not be American tonight please? I know a bunch of Canadians – they’re not all loud. Maybe it’s just a hockey player thing? Doesn’t matter. In the end, all the Europeans I was sitting with at the conference were rolling their eyes and had already made up in their minds that all Americans are loud and obnoxious.

I realize lately that I am a bit sensitive to people trashing Americans (myself included, if you want to include Canadians in the American group). Admittedly, when I hear many Americans talking around town, at a restaurant, on the street or on our travels recently to Greece… I insist on speaking Dutch so no one thinks I’m “one of them.” But who am I kidding?!? I am loud too! Still, it’s a love-hate thing: I love being American. I am American. And yet, so often, I don’t identify myself as an American. It’s a weird, displaced, disowned, simply all-out “dissed” feeling when you’re an expat. I can very easily agree when I hear Europeans say, “Ahhh, Americans. They are loud, wear big white tennis shoes and work too much.” True, true. BUT, I sincerely believe we are a generally lovable lot. We smile a lot, we laugh at funny things, we have excellent business practices (some of the stuff you see around here would make an American choke), and we do have AMAZING food and restaurants. I really could go on forever… I don’t really have a solution to share. I just feel like thinking on paper. And that’s as far as I’ve gotten today on the whole matter.

Okay, what is the deal with people who are selling their house but haven’t even started looking for another house where they’re moving? The sellers of the house I THINK we’re getting want a 4 month move-out period. WT…? That puts us to a March move-in. Uh, no. No thank you. Commuting already is ridiculous for us with 2 hours each way for each person. Ugh. It’s hard to imagine us doing this for another 4 months. I suppose if it’s the way we get this house we want so badly, then we work with it. We’re trying to see if we can negotiate moving in Jan-Feb somewhere. Fingers crossed. When we finally do get a house, sign the financial papers, and move our booties in, I am gonna crack open a big old Grolsch and maybe sleep for 5 days straight. It’s so stressful! And so emotional. You start really imagining yourself in the house, living there, your kitties running around and ruining crap there, eating your breakfast in the new kitchen, reading the Sunday paper in the new living room with the fire toasting your tootsies. People, I’ve got a new life to live! Make it happen.

I think I need to get myself checked into a Mentos-Addict rehabilitation center. I have a problem. They just keep popping into my mouth, one after the other. “Hi, I’m Kristin. And I’m a Mentos-Aholic.” :Hiiiiiiiii Kristin.” Allah, save me!

Random: The other morning it smelled like holy water in the country, driving to work. Things that make you go “huh.”

The Dona

The end of an email from my mom today:

"P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate."

Amen sistuh.

So freakin' tired. Just got home from work. Beddy bye!