Ah, Johnny Hughes. You were one of the milestone pop culture drivers of my time. Sigh. Nothing beats the scene in Sixteen Candles when Ginny, the older sister, is jumping like a fairy and trying to catch rice with her tongue after her wedding outside the church (too many muscle relaxers). If rice wasn't a bird killer after weddings, I'd do it sober! That was one of the first times I peed myself just a little bit and cried because I laughed so hard at a scene in a movie. Pretty sure it was because I saw a little piece of myself in her. And don't get me started on Long Duck Dong. Genius! Goooooong!!! (that had to be included for effect - Pavlov's Dog moment for you, wasn't it?)Mrs. Q kicks butt. She does. She came with me for the 5th time (we counted today) to the wedding dress shop to have my final fitting. She helped me kick some wedding dress owner booty so I didn't have to pay for/take a corset with D cups that made me look like I had little secret pockets under my boobs to hold things. Uh, no thank you. Mrs. Q very nicely helped them understand in her perfect, polite-but-don't-F-with-me Dutch that we would not be needing to buy a corset that smelled of someone else's perfume. I added for effect my practiced Dutch (translation): "I am NOT happy." And that translates "Kristin Clear" in all languages when I say it - I'm pretty sure about that. I apologized to Mrs. Q later that I wasn't very polite with the shop ladies. She patted me on the back and said there was nothing to apologize for. She's such a good mother-in-law. After all the pain of trying on 20+ wedding dresses this year... and trying to talk the shop ladies out of ordering me a big lady size which they today had to cut back to a smaller lady size - they asked "Oh, how much weight did you lose?!?!?" in their fake, astonished southern belle Dutch accents... I said nicely, "Not even close to what you just cut off... about 8 pounds in total (really not impressive)"... don't even THINK you can find justice in ordering me extra material that you tried to make me pay for! (Side note: nothing makes a woman feel fat like a wedding shop telling you that you need to pay 15% more for extra material because your hips curve. Don't make me hurt you! And btw, curves are in!). I have paid for my dress that finally looks b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, and can now enjoy going in to pick it up with my mom when she arrives on the 19th. Amen! Can I get an amen?!?! Somebody throw me a rice kernel!
