It's true: you really do have to wear in your wedding shoes before the Big Day. I wore mine the other day for my first dress fitting, and Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl, after 5 hours of standing there while women buzzed around me with about 150 pins they stuck into my skin, er my dress, my feet were barkin'! So I will be wearing them in my pijamas when making breakfast and laying out on the balcony trying to soak up some rays so I don't have green legs for the wedding. You think I'm joking...Sitting here at the keyboard, amidst lolly-gagging between the kitchen and hanging laundry in the guest room, listening to the Louis Armstrong mix for the garden toast at the wedding. Takes me back to high school jazz choir... we were so good! We just thought we were makin' music like everyone else. We were Outliers: there was some pattern in our families, our culture, our birth dates... something... because we were so good - beyond the norm of good. It's fun to think about those days - the height of musical Kristin. National jazz festivals... state choirs... lead roles in musicals... something was in the air. It's fun to think about, and listen to that music now, and know it's going to be part of our wedding. Legacy is powerful. It builds gorgeous memories, new and old.
I'm swimming and floating a little bit with work. Not really sure which way is up at the moment. I miss using my brain. I miss being creative. I miss giving something to others from my mind. "... autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward are, most people agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it to be satisfying." ~ Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers. Not sure what will come next. That doesn't sit nicely with me. I invented planning. It's not fun not planning where I'm going. Yep, I know, ya gotta be flexible with life... this is about as flexible as it gets, baby.
This week, I heard from a third person - a peer from the field, that my Dutch isn't good enough for work. Honestly, it was pretty defeating. I am working my booty off trying to learn this language and use it in my work (whatever that is). No matter how hard I try, no matter how long I speak Dutch with my family at Sunday dinners, or with J while we walked through the forest yesterday, or with the post office lady when I'm sending letters, it's just not enough. I'm knee-deep in Dutch books, CDs, and worksheets for a year now (more so these past three months)... yet, who am I kidding with expecting to walk into a boardroom and deliver a presentation in Dutch to hiring managers? Yeah, felt pretty crappy, between you an me. Last week when I heard that from a potential employer who really wants my skills, but needs me to speak business Dutch, my heart sank. Had a couple of other blows Saturday with my immigration paperwork and my hair colored like a skunk at the salon, and yanno what? I don't feel like being strong or positive at the moment. Oh, yanno, I will. It's in my chemistry. I'll suck it up and march along. But for the record: I'm miffed. Was sad and frustrated. Now I'm just ticked. I've got things to do in my life, people! If you aren't going to contribute to my campaign to live life to the fullest, make money along the way, and look great while doing it, kindly, step aside!
You know I rarely vent, but I've had enough. I don't want to hear anymore "No", "you can't", or "that's not for you." How about a "maybe"? That's all I ask! No one puts Baby in the Corner!
Well, Girlfriend needs an outlet. I started writing. Yep, got my next book going. And THAT I CAN DO. No one can stop me.
